Beyond all else, we have each other.
When that becomes insufficient..

Reevaluate your situation.

Change

Change is here.
Regardless of whether you want it or not.
It's here..

See you next summer.

Forget it..

I wish that fear didn't bind me..
I just wish that sometimes, I wasn't afraid.

As much as I love to think about things..
Sometimes, I shouldn't think at all.

At..
All..

A need..

Lately, I have come to realize that even in my most independent scenarios that I still require something.
I have a need.
I need people.
I need the people I care about.
Not so much in the sense that, I am depending on them..
Basically, I just need them to balance me out.

A smile.
A drink.
A moment when the music is too loud that I don't hear a word they are saying..
Moments of reflection, that lead to laughter.
Stupid humor that only we could have..

The will of others to make me greater...
My push to make them greater, and watch them flourish.
The possibility of all/both of us failing.
I need, something.

I need to enjoy these moments.
Because even if we do nothing, we're all doing something..
The moment we see each other.
And every second after...

Days go by..

"Don't let idiots ruin your day."

~De Le Vega~

Writers..
Block..

Awake, I dream.
Asleep, I dream.

What's impossible, can be possible.
But what's unrealistic, will never be realistic.

I am far more blind, with my eyes open..

On, with the come on..

My expectations are set pretty high..
I'll get it, or die trying..

I need to keep on, keeping on..
Quitting, just doesn't seem to suit me.

Come back for abuse..
But, get stronger in the end.

So they say..

I've lost..

Admitting defeat, yes.
Not that I didn't exert myself enough, in vain.
I don't mind.

I never said I gave up, not yet.
As I still feel it, the warmth.
I will try, as many times as allowed.

No matter how long it takes, I will try.
All of it adding up, just one time combined.

Where am I going..

Anywhere. Anywhere, but here..

Onward.

So long as a small shadow remains inside, you can still succumb to the darkness. Remember. Remember that shadows are formed.. by light. You must.. go on.

So here we are..

If my heart was everything, I'd give it to you.
But, it's not everything.. and it won't change anything.
I wish it was that simple, but you see.. it's not.
If only it could help, I would do it..
But, it won't change anything.

That's just the way it is.
So, here we are..

To who..

Some times, Hate..
Can be so beautiful.

Get up..

Pick your head up.
Even when you don't want to.
What you're feeling.. Yes.
Yes, it's forcing you down.

When you think that's how it has to be..
The hand you need is there.
Help, is near.

Pick up your head, and look..
You'll see.

And if you do see someone with the same expression as you, standing there.
They are there for you.
Suffering with you.

Waiting..
For you.

Now..
Get up.

A thought..

The fact remains..

If you're not comfortable with who you are, it doesn't matter what you are doing.
Doesn't matter who you are with, or what you are saying..

It doesn't matter.

I'm forgetting something..

The worst thing about being forgotten..
Is that no one remembered you.

Same? Same?

For some reason, seeing this picture made me think of this song. One could argue they are complete opposites of each other. Or that a few mere words, are what I am linking these two together with.

I could explain.
But, wouldn't it be quite a bit more interesting if you did it yourself?

5/1/2011

The reported "Successful Assassination" of someone who has committed plenty of horrible crimes against many a people. Even his own.

I suppose it's a reason to celebrate.
Genuinely, I am glad another disgusting human being is gone.
Example: When the Seals infiltrated his room, the sick son of a bitch apparently grabbed a woman to act as his shield. One would argue that is was horrific for the Seals to lay waste to the woman and the entire room..
But, here is a moment where sacrifices must be made.
Shame those others had to die, however.. they knew they were with a wanted murderer/criminal/terrorist.

A coward to the end.

Though, nothing is changed per say..
The future has a slight better glow. There is some sense of security knowing he will not be able to continue his "actions."

But then again, I heard the news and thought..

I can't be bothered..

Control

I lost it today.
I should have had a better handle on it.
Someone saw a side of me that no one should ever see.
Provoked, or not.. I have no right to behave that way.
Anger made me shake. Violently.
My heart, pounded forcing the blood all throughout my body.
Veins coursing.

I didn't even hear the words being cried out.
Couldn't hear the crying..

He was my enemy.
So, I dealt with him.

I wonder though..
Who now, has the most regret?
Is it him? Or is it myself?

Grip

The tightest grip, I retain..
Is not physically.
It's mentally.

I am forced to hold on.
Because they're calling..
I don't want to go.
This descent would surely kill me..

I continue to look upwards.
There.
All around me, I see nothing.
But above me, there is the smallest image of everything.

Hope.
Love.
Luck.
Opportunity.

If I let go, I'll lose it all.
If I reach, I'll risk it all.

Panting..
I woke up.

Today

Think of one thing, today..
That matters.
That matters, to you.
Trivial, or not.

Audience of one

"We're all okay, until the day we're not. The surface shines, while the insides rot."

Smile!

"Everyone smiles with that invisible gun to their head."

Consumed..

It's inside me.
I can feel it, overpowering me.
Needing..
Needing to feed.

There is still some traces of me..
Something is still there.
I'll let you out.
They need to realize..

Realize sheer terror.

You thought it would go unnoticed?
Perhaps, I was afraid.
Do you understand now?
Methodical, I have to be.
Once "it's" out, there is no sanctuary.

Everybody dies tonight.

I can still comprehend, yet I choose to ignore it.
There is beauty, in this.
What you once cherished as you power..
Forced people into fear.
Forced submission..
Removed their will, and consumed their soul..
Forced the life out of them..

I give back to you.

All of it.
You can have.

When Lucifer is found in Paradise by two Cherubs, he rebukes them for not recognizing him. They rebuke right back saying that his appearance has changed from being in Hell. "So spake the Cherub; and his grave rebuke, Severe in youthful beauty, added grace Invincible: Abashed the Devil stood, And felt how awful goodness is, and saw Virtue in her shape how lovely; saw, and pined His loss"

Remorse?
I shan't entertain it.
Goodbye..

You parasite..

Before, I chose you.
At a whim.
The exchange would go on and on it would seem.
Then, after trying to recall what had transpired..
The cycle stops.
This waltz with you would go on for some time, however.. I was "The lead."
It was very subtle, but I was becoming aware of the change.
You seemed to ignore me, I had to try harder for you to acknowledge me.
After a cliche "Cat and Mouse" you would give in, and we would dance again.
I would think nothing of this because.. we still remained.
Another card dealt, another hand played.
What once seemed as such a joy, was becoming withered.
The petals on this "flower" dropping one, by one.
You now made every effort to shun me, until I was forced to exert myself to the fullest.

Focused more on your attention, I ignored the inner candle burning..
Burning out.
Dimming, by each breath.
Smaller by each day.
I am now, stone cold.
With that final blow, is when I saw a glimpse of the past.
A smile.
Not as warm as the ones I had remembered.
The smile was cold, and deceptive.
You caught me.
You broke me.
I felt it overcome me.
Now, I will return it all.

I have taken control.
Power, restored.
Knowledge, reborn.
Faith, cast aside..
Ego, shattered.

You need to feed off of me, and I will give you a small portion.
A meager helping of what you once had.
Many, hold a place for you in their heart.
Hate.
Learn now, what occurs when you bite the hand that feeds you.
To me, it is not hard to continue doing what brings harm..

Without pain, we know no love.
Without anger, we have no calm.
Without fear, we have no comfort..

Without me, you have..
Nothing.

Parasite.

333

I now know, that I basically know.. nothing.

Time

My days off just seem to coast on by, and the weekend is gone.
The moments I spent "regaining what sanity I have" seems too short for my liking. I suppose, I can look forward to the prospect of time off.

But, it's too far away.. it seems. Weeks are a long time when you measure them in hours.

So much to do..
So.. much..
So little time.

Beauty

If I could show you all, what I see..
Give you a taste of what I visualize..

You'd understand.
Not even tangible, yet at first glance..
It pours into you.
What a feeling..

No matter how hard..

No matter how hard I try..
I never succeed.
I continue to hurt..
For some one else.

God, it hurts..

I'm a killer..

Boy you can't run..
You can't hide from me..
I'm a killer..

Killing for fun..

It's all so small..

Tonight, I will lay down comfortably.
You may not even have a home.
Tonight, I had a few moments to think of things that I cherished.
Everything was ripped away from you, in an instant.
Tonight, I was irritated knowing I had a "Busy Day" ahead of me in the morning.
You don't even know if you will make it until the morning.
Tonight, I didn't return that phone call because I was tired. It could wait, until tomorrow.
You never had the chance to say goodbye.
Tonight, my food wasn't "to my liking" so.. I threw it out.
You're starving.
Tonight, I realized.. you are stronger and wealthier than I.
You're tired and crying, but fighting. Unsure if you'll make it to tomorrow, and even if you do.. It could end all over again.

I'm weeping inside, for you.
Be strong, hold on..
If you can..

Weary

Just.. plain..
Tired.

Inside..
And out.

Still, I must shine..
Can you see me?

Release

I feel it slipping..

( It's time to let go )

I won't watch this.. anymore..

( I told you, I can never forgive you. )

What it is.

What I saw, what it was..

It was only a dream.
So, back to it I go.

Discuss.

I must know..

What is the difference between a day dream, and a hallucination?

Thinking...

If I could say it, I would.
But would you hear me, if I did?
If it'd matter, then I could..

But I won't.
Of that, I am sure.

Thinking.

Dead

On the news it was reported someone had died. No surprise there, right? The difference in this was that the female ( I assume was elderly, which was never specified ) had fallen outside. Unable to get up, she laid there until she froze to death. I have never met this person before in my life, nor do I know any of her family. However, when I heard this I was genuinely sad. Beyond the fact that she died completely alone, she had to endure all of that for how ever long it took before her body finally shut itself down. Not saying that a vast majority of people have not died alone, but in this instance what pains me is that I know in my heart this woman was in fear before she died. Terrified. I can't even begin to fathom what went on inside of this woman's mind and heart. Just laying there, waiting to die. Eventually, she probably gave up the hope that someone would find her before it was too late. That's what makes it sad. That, is truly dying alone. I feel awful, and I hope she can be at peace. After a horrific day, and end to a life I truly hope she can.

And here I was upset about the lack of response and snow removal.
Trivial..

Deep Freeze..

The bone breaking chill was invading my privacy.
I continued to feel the discomfort in all of my actions, movements.
As much as I tried to focus, I was unable to ignore it.
Unable to stay warm.
Now to continue on.
Take it with me, and move forward.
Consume it, and warm from the inside out.

I'll let you know when I get there.
I hope you'll be waiting there..
For me.

Today

I was embraced with such a beauty today.
The memory, of you.

Frosty

Winter has a tendency to "drag me down."
However, after the blinding white has subsided and the sun returns..
All is well.