Begin again

Here I am again, though something is not the same. It's almost as though I have been walking with my eyes closed, or someone had the lights off. Things, people.. all different to me. But, it's beautiful to me at the moment. Though an absence rather short, it seemed very long. As though time just stopped upon my departure, but that was not the case. Everything around me, outside.. changed. I changed with it. The sun when once it seemed was dim and not present, now seems to shine down on me. Bathing me in it's soothing warm glow. Even the rain seems just ever so powerful to me. Like I have been out of touch for sometime, but that is the beauty of all of it. I lost myself during the build up, even the process. I thought what I knew, was really what it was. But it was not. And I was not, and that is where I stand now. Embracing this "Change" and staring it all in the face, I extend my arms and close my eyes. Things flash inside my mind, various colors and places.. some of which I have never seen. People, looking at me with confusion.. clips.. of everywhere and everything. It's all so overwhelming really, but.. I like it. I have had nothing but calm thoughts, accompanied by this smile.. that just will not leave me. Not, that I would want it to per say.. But, it just feels new. This new feeling I have, I just want to share. I need to, because I want people to feel the way I do. I know that some people, words just can't reach. However, maybe even if we can't reach them by words we can merely understand the people around us that we are "forced" to "exist" with. Perhaps, they will see my smile or.. be able to feel my presence and aura? Take the good from it and use it to better themselves? Maybe this is all just the thought of someone who wants so much more from people and the world then it is ready to deliver, or prepared to expend?

Be that as it may, the things that are behind me.. stay behind me. Hidden in my shadow, out of sight in the cover of that shadow. "Gone" maybe.. but not forgotten.

So, if I look to you with that smile and calm look... and I extend my hand to you.
What will you do? Will you hesitate or flinch, or will you look deep inside my eyes?
Decide.

Caught in the Moment

I'm just going to sit here, and soak it all in. You may not know I am looking, but I can't help it... I can't look away. Even though what you are doing is so simple.. It's beautiful to me. I'm taking it all in, you see. I can't get enough right now. I'm supposed to be okay, but I'm not. That doesn't matter though, it's about you. I know it's not really that long, but I am not accustomed to it. It is something I know not how to approach. Even now as I make this, my fingers twitch. I'll blame it on the coffee, much easier.. No? Composure. I must hold on to it, so it won't be hard for you. As it is now, just a matter of time and it begins.. and with that same matter of time it will end. The gap will be hard, for both.. I know. Probably more for me then you would comprehend at the moment. But that's the beauty in innocence. You're limited to other destructive thoughts, and ideas. So, when you smile.. it is a genuine smile.. and when you cry.. the tears are pure. I'm sorry I have to wear this smile knowing it's not true. But, I do it.. only to make things easier for you.

Time waits for no one, so don't get caught standing still.
But for now.. I'll just sit here..
And look at you.

At Rest

I saw you once again, but I knew it wasn't you. It was what I wanted you to be. What once was. It wasn't you at all. I stared full of confusion at you, and that beautiful smile. Haven't seen that in ages, seemed life in another life. I knew it wasn't real because you needed me, and told me everything would be okay. We had each other. I couldn't stop looking at you, and I didn't want to stop. I was looking at a mirage, a ghost.. just the thoughts of what once was. But.. I embraced this farce, like a child who has not seen a loved one in a while. I remember everything we did, which in reality was nothing. Just looked.. out across the broad wide world. This world.. that like you.. was a fake. I swear I could feel your heart beating as we embraced, it even skipped a beat. Raced a little like it used to. You whispered in my ear.. "You are amazing even in your weakest moments, do not allow your fears to stop you." I blinked, and you were farther away. Still that smile on your face, and you had your hand on your heart. Your eyes closed and you raised your arms... then you blew away like sand in the wind. I fell to my knees yelling "I hate you! I HATE YOU!" Those words just continued to fly out of my mouth as the last of you vanished. And now kneeling, I looked around.. at this place. This beautiful place you had left me in.. What was it? How did I not see this before? A few lights flashed, and I heard something that sounded like crashes of thunder. I felt heavy.. Soo.. heavy. I felt as though something was pulling me down towards the ground. Then I heard your voice again.. "I exist only where you want me to, and you know this.." I tried to fight the force dragging me down.. pulling so hard, it was too much for me to control. I lost. Flat, I lay against the ground.. I heard your voice again. "Be at peace with yourself, I will be with you always whenever you want.. whenever you need. Just come back to this place, and all you have to do is think of me. I will come." Laying there hearing that, it somehow soothed me.. I felt as though everything was okay. There was nothing in the world that I wanted to do more then to stand, but I was too comfortable.. it felt so right. Just then the voice returned but it was different this time, it sounded as if it was crying. The words came out in sobs.. "You're dreaming.."

Then I woke up.

The Hands of Fate

His eyes slowly opened. He could hear someone laughing. But not the type of laughter you want to hear, this laugh.. was maniacal. You could feel the evil flowing from it. That's when it all started rushing back to him. Where am I.. What has happened.. Is the battle over...? More and more his eyes regained focus, those that once were blurs manifested into their true forms. That is when he saw him. By then the laughing had ceased, and an eerie quiet took over accompanied by a smug grin. He has somewhat collected himself and tries to move.. But can't. The pain he feels from that attempt is incredible. It is evident that there are some serious injuries to his body. Many deep wounds. The man begins to laugh again then stops abruptly. "You can't to anything in that condition. I've won, don't you get it?" Again he tries to move, but the pain is unbearable. The man shakes his head. "You always were stubborn, weren't you. Why can't you just accept that you are about to die?" He felt something running down his cheek, but was unsure if it was a tear.. or just more blood. He knew he did not want to die like this, not until he took the head of the bastard that was before him. Mocking him.. laughing at him. This was not the way it was supposed to be. He had set out to find this man, solely due to the fact of the horrific crimes he had commited. This man was relentlessly pursued, every tip or hint not overlooked or disregarded. Everywhere this man went.. Death, destruction and despair was scattered. People senselessly murdered all because of a sick bloodlust. He saw the horror and pain inside the eyes of the few survivors. He even remembered the words of a man just before his death.. "Forgive him, and forget him. He will pay for what he has done in death. Please do not be another victim of him... Please.." The tears bellowed out of that mans eyes as his hand reached to the sky. He mouthed something before he passed which could not be understood. Sitting there feeling himself succumb to the wounds, he focused in on his mouth and thought over and over about what the dying man had said. He remembered his sister running in front of him to shield him from that man's attacks. All of it was playing in his head. Is this it? Am I dying.. is this what they are talking about? The flashes? He now knew, this was not blood.. it was tears. Tears of pain, suffering.. and overwhelming anger. Knowing his time was limited he finally spoke to that man before him with a sense of conviction. "You bastard.. you think it's over!? I will kill you if it's the last thing I do. I will not allow you any grace in life.. nor in Death. If you feel so confident that you can kill me... Duel with me." No one knows the real name of this man who is in front of him. Everyone up until now has just referred to him as "Death" solely due to the fact that Death is all that remains after he leaves. With all of his strength he manages to get back to his feet. He knows that his wounds have opened more, he can feel the blood just pouring out of him. The only way to do this is to allow him to wound me again.. and in that moment I will eliminate us both putting an end to all of this. "Death" scowled at him, watching him fight to retain his balance. "Death" sneers.. "You fool.. I shall send you straight to HELL." He grabs his sword and clenches is tightly. This will work.. IT HAS to WORK. They ready the weapons and a slight breeze can be felt. The adrenaline is rushing through him, he knows.. that he must make his move now. Or else he may not last that much longer. If I aim high.. he will attack low. I am sure of it!! They race towards each other, and he raises his sword high to leave his abdomen open. "Death" attacks the torso just as planned. The pain is horrible, he feels the blade enter into him and exit on the other side. Stuck. Got you, you FOOL. He starts to laugh now, in the same maniacal manner "Death" once had. A look of fear and confusion comes over "Death's" face. Regaining a smug look "Death" as he uttered one word.. "Goodbye." That was when the plan unraveled. In one hand he clenched his sword the other gripping "Death." He spit blood in "Death's" face.. let go of him and with both hands plunged his sword through "Death's" back and into himself. I'm not done yet.. I must hold on. I CAN'T GIVE UP!! "Death" screamed in agony.. "You insignificant fo.." Before the last words could be uttered, a dagger pierced his throat. "Death" gagged. He choked his words out "How could.. you. How could you.. Cero." The look of shock overtook Cero. That name... he had not used that name in years. In a lifetime. How does this man know.. my name!!? How can this be!? That name died with my mother years ago!! Looking into "Death's" eyes his saw something he hadn't seen since his years as a child. He saw his Mother. How cruel this fate is, this man.. this horrible man was his Brother. He was DEAD.. Mother told me.. HE WAS DEAD!!! The life was escaping them both by the second in this trap. In a flash, he was able to make out the words the dying man had said...
"But only you can kill one of your own blood."
They both collapsed still joined together by the blades. Cero stared into his brother's eyes as he knew their moment was approaching. "Kryseon" he murmured.. "I forgive you. Even.. after all of this.. I forgive you." Cero barely managed to grasp Kryseon's hand as the memories flashed of their brief childhood. The innocent brother he had once known became this awful person that he had set out to kill. All the feelings of hate slipped away, Kryseon gave a small smile and died. Cero turned his head slightly towards the sky and watched it all fade away...
It's over. No one has to suffer anymore. Not I, nor any innocent people, nor Kryseon. We can all be... at peace.

Blurb

Delusion? I'd call it confusion, Pardon me! For this intrusion, but you're losing.. Losing your mind!! This time, oh this time! Nothing is fine, being confined inside...

Your own mind.

Blank

I'm staring blankly at this paper. I know what I want to do, but when I try to.. I stop. It all looks so beautiful in my head.. so vibrant. Yet, when I put it on this sheet all I see is a tainted mess of what the beauty once was. I then look at my hands, as if expecting them to tell me something about this confusion I am feeling. Explain to me why I can not complete or portray this beauty I see. But then I realize I am being foolish, I know I won't get an answer. If only you could see inside of my mind, see what I see... for what it is. Not.. what it turns out to be. See how it's supposed to be, not.. this. Maybe someday I'll get it right. Maybe someday the beauty will radiate from inside and bleed right on to this wretched piece of paper. Or maybe it won't. Things just could stay the same, and never change. I could continue to try to bleed it all on to this damn paper, and see what comes out.

Or is it better that this page stays blank and my mind stays beautiful...
It's blank.. yet I won't look away...