An Answer to my last Entry..

After some serious consideration, conversation.. and of course taking a peek at my comments.. I decided to give my point of view. It may be a mess, and may drift to something confusing.. Bear with me please.

So, here goes:

A man once told me: "Behind every great man, there is a strong woman." We were at his daughter's wedding, which I knew the groom... But that's not important. This man, raised his child pretty much by himself. Sadly, his wife died while she was still young. Dedicated his life to making sure she has everything she needs. That, to me.. is great.. is it not? But somehow, I think he believed his words. I think he believed that he wasn't as great of a man as he should be. I asked him.. "How do you do it?" Funny, because the whole while he was staring up at the sky with the most innocent smile on his face. He simply replied.. "You just do it, you don't think.. you just do it." I think I understand this man, and also why he was staring at the sky with that look. He was smiling.. because he felt his wife could see him, and what he had done for their child.

That is just one example of some of the things I think about. As far as myself, well I wish I could be a portion of that man. But, I am not. If I was anything other then myself.. I wouldn't be myself. I.. am used to constant ups and downs, disappointments, achievements, happiness and pain. Then again, aren't we all? By that man's theory, about great men having strong women behind them I suppose I don't fit that mold. I don't have the "Cliche" woman behind me. So, where do I get it? Well, I'll be honest. When I fall, I fall hard. Historically, there hasn't been someone to catch me. Not whining, just stating the facts. I.. prefer it that way. Sure things may seem at their worst, but.. they can't get much lower then that.. right? When you finally look around you, and see what has occured. When you notice the things that maybe.. just maybe you didn't see before. That.. is when it begins for me.

My strength, my drive..

It starts with anger. Yes, anger. I become terribly angry with what has happened. Not angry at others, or in a pity type of way. I mean angry that my Pride, has let this happen. Angry that I.. have become THIS. This thing that I can't accept, won't accept.. I refuse it. But even.. anger has it's limitations for me. Like the adrenaline rush you get when angry, this too goes away. My true drive, true strength? Well, that.. That comes from others. Alone, I can only do so much. But, for others.. I am limitless. What I mean by this, is the people that care about you.. Truly, honestly and genuinely care do not want to see you at your worst. They want you to succeed, to be happy and prosperous.. and have everything you desire in life with no pain. But, more importantly.. I get strength from someone.. Needing me. Depending on me to help them out, and get through things. As weak as I am sometimes, I'll never show it. People wouldn't want me that way, as I wouldn't want them that way either. You push on.. sometimes. Just like he said.. Simply because you have to. You don't think, you just do it. And yes, that man also.. Gives me strength to push on. Funny isn't it? I don't really know him that well, but I understand him.

So, you see.. That man. He was in fact a great man. He won't tell you that though. He is a great man, because he helped to make a strong woman. And of course, she is behind him.. To this day.