I'm tired. I have spent too much time day in and day out, looking. It's almost as though I will never be able to find it. Sometimes I am graced with a mirage, but like anything else.. It goes away. Gives some of it's time, and it's beauty. But leaves, gone.. without a trace. Then.. Like nothing happend, I get up... and continue on again. Continue on, as I watch the last part of it slip through my fingers.. like a fine sand.
I'll never get any of that back. It will never return, vanished without warning.. or a trace. I do know that just as sure as I am that the sun will rise tomorrow.. it will be there. Waiting. Waiting for me to come back. Staying just out of my reach everytime I try to grasp it. Then.. just as I am about to give up.. when I feel I have used everything I have and failed.... I feel it. Even if only for a moment.. I feel it. And at that moment.. that brief moment as it all floods back in to me.. Restoring my ambition, my fears, my hope, my pain.... It becomes clear.
I see it for what it is now. This is something you have to work to have. This is something that will scare you. It is something that will make you able to endure anything.. just to hold on to it. It will also remind you at times when you feel nothing is there.. it is and to not give up. But, it will also take you over, make you vulnerable.. and if you lose sight of yourself.. become blinded by all of it.. It will hurt you.
It will hurt you terribly, with no warning.. sometimes no reason. It will take all of the good away, in one terrible motion. We can become demons because of it. Puppets made to do things that we know are wrong, but are lured into doing... All because of it. Sometimes it breaks us down to where we think we can't go on.. and we make an exit. Such a powerful.. yet horrible thing.
I'll never stop looking. I know I am not alone in this. We will all continue to search to have it. When you do have it.. Value it's time. Know that it may not stay that long.. Make the best of it. Cherish it...
But don't forget.. to fear it.
woah...
ReplyDeleteI can't help but wonder what "it" is. I'm sure people could replace "it" with many different words...but the word I thought fit perfectly was 'love'... especially in the last paragraph. now... if i have this wrong, then just ignore everything from here on XD
ReplyDeleteAnyway, if this is the case, i would have to say I completely disagree. I dont think anyone should be afraid to find love or to be in love. Sure, it's a scary thing to go through but in the end I think it's all worth it. If someone is scared of something, they will never be able to fully accept it..and without fully accepting love, you can never really have 'it' in the first place. In anycase, no matter what it is you're looking for, you have to open yourself up to it.. and then once you have it...things won't seem so scary anymore.....
"If you have love in your life it can make up for a great many things you lack. If you don't have it, no matter what else there is, it's not enough."